Secrets and Memories
by malfoysdaughter
Summary: A small story of how Noah and Annabelle met. In a diary format, the twins find her diary one day and begin to read about their Ma's past, and just how their Ma and Da met. ConnorxMurphy, NoahxAnnabelle


(AN: I DO NOT OWN ANNABELLE OR NOAH OR THE KIDS….when they are born….I do own the rest of the characters! This is my take and my world on how those two met to give us their amazing boys. I don't know where this came from, or why, but it has taken residence in my mind and I have to write it. This is set in between the first movie, and the second one. For those of you waiting for Don't Even Think About It!'s next chapter, I AM working on it, I swear! In fact, I had it open just a few minutes ago working on it. But I can't seem to make it behave and do what I want it to. So this story asked if it could come to life and I gave in. REMEMBER, this is how I think they met and what happened! I am not going to do her accent when it's writing, but when they are actually TALKING I will. ^.^v)

* * *

The room was just as they remembered it, clean, small, and cluttered with pictures of them. Murphy bit his lower lip, looking around their Ma's old room. It had been two weeks since she had passed, and the family had left the job to them to clean her room out. Connor was silent as he made his way over to sit on her bed. "It's…so odd…" He whispered, looking around.

"Aye." Making his way over to the closet, Murphy opened it. Clothes that were as familiar to him as his own hung on the rod. Boxes were at the bottom, and one in particular caught his eye. The corner of a picture was poking out, ragged with age. Reaching down, he picked up the box and carried it to the bed and sat down next to Connor with it on his lap. His older half glanced at it, then at him.

"Open it." He commanded. Murphy lifted the box and they were met with hundreds of pictures. There they were, racing across the yard after their dog, laughing. One of them on the porch, identical grins on their faces and popsicle in their hands. There was one of Connor, hands on his hips, glaring at the camera as Murphy laughed in the background. One of them sleeping, curled around each other on a stack of blankets on the floor. Them with their arms linked in swimming trunks, Connor crossing his eyes and Murphy was red with laughter. Them with their Ma, the woman holding Murphy by the hand and an arm around Connor. The pictures went on, and on, they kept going through them, pointing out memories as they found them. Murphy paused at one photo, and smiled softly. Connor leaned in, looking at it over his younger half's shoulder, the same smile painting across his face. It was them when they were sixteen, each in tuxes. They were in their cousin's wedding, and she had black mailed them into dancing. Their Ma and the rest of the family had laughed it off, but even then they had been sneaking out together to lose themselves in the other's arms. Connor was holding Murphy close, leaning in to whisper the words Murphy still remembered as if they had just been spoken to him; "M'anam, mo ghrá, lá éigin beidh sé seo ár damhsa, I swear sin a thabhairt duit. Beidh sé dúinn leis na bannaí ar ár n-mhéara, agus gan ach ár gcairde agus teaghlach gaire ionas gur féidir le duine ar bith ruin ár lá. Ní bheidh mé deis é seo, mar nuair a bhíonn tú sásta, tá mé sásta, agus an ceart agam anseo vow, ceart anois, a chosaint i gcónaí leat. Is breá liom tú.The words echoed in his ears as he turned and smiled at Connor. His lighter half smiled at him, kissing him softly. "I meant those words Murph." He whispered.

His darker half smiled, shaking his head. "Not now, later." He replied, turning back to the box and starting anew to dig into it. As they neared the bottom, a book bound in emerald green cloth was tucked away under all of them. A four leaf clover image was burned into the middle of it and wrapped around it was a sterling silver chain with a Claddagh ring hanging from it. Picking it up, Murphy opened it, tucking the chain into his pocket. A picture tumbled out, one they had never seen. It was their Ma, young, laughing, and there, beside her, was a man. Looking closer, they realized it was their Da. He was laughing as well, holding their Ma close as they looked at the camera. Their breaths caught as they looked at it. Connor was the first to lift the book and stare at it.

To my dear Annabelle, I hope that this journal shall let you confide your secrets to someone other than the Lord. And may it help in changing your attitude. We shall miss you here at home while you are in America. Take comfort my daughter, and we shall be together again.

Love,

Ma

The twins locked eyes. This was something they really shouldn't have found. Their Ma's journal. Murphy took a shuddering breath before he took it from Connor. Flipping to the first page, he began to read.

* * *

November 13

I hate it here…and I hate why I had to come here. I guess that's no way to start a journal, but since this is the last thing my Ma gave me before handing me off to my Uncle to bring me here to the States, I guess I have a bit of hatred for it. I don't want to be here, I want to be back home in Ireland! The smoke here, the noise, and the rude people make my heart feel like it's going to wither and die inside of me. This is the worse punishment my Ma could think of when I disobeyed her, and now I see why. I guess since I am rambling, I might as well tell you why I was sent here to New York City in New York, located in the United States. It was all over a boy, and a stupid one at that. The arse is the reason why I am here. In my little village of Edenaveys, everyone knows everyone, and the kids grow up together, and we are all duty bound to our Ma and our Da. I however, was not. And I was not because of a boy named Eoghan McGhee. He took a fancy to me about a year ago, and was doing everything in his power to get me to notice him, to like him, and nothing he did would work on me. However, my Ma saw him as a "perfect match for me" since he was from "such a good, hard working family." She couldn't see that I wanted NOTHING to do with him! He was not my type, and I felt nothing for him. But my Ma is like the mule we own, once she sets her mind to something, then nothing is going to change it. Before I even knew what was happening, my world was spinning out of my control. My Ma and Eoghan's Ma decided for us that we would be wed! No matter what I said, nor how hard I begged her, she was going to make me do it. I fought her, something I had never done, and I became an unruly daughter in her eyes. None of my sisters ever spoke against her, or argued with her, and up until that point, I never had either. But I did, because for once in my life, she was wrong. So she did the only thing she could think of after talking to Father O'Harra. She called my Uncle Angus and had him come collect me to work in his pub here in New York. This is my own personal Hell, and I actually have to give my Ma credit for thinking of this. She chose a proper place to send me if she is wanting me to lose my mind. I am only 20 years old, and yet I feel older because of how this place treats me. Every night, I look at the starless sky and wonder if this was worth escaping Eogahn. I guess I shall see tomorrow, when I go to work in the pub.

November 14 

I'm sitting here, in the light of my candle to jittery to sleep. Tonight was my first night of working in Uncle Angus' pub, and I had no idea how interesting it could be! Everyone there knows my Uncle by name, and they all know each other as well. All of them are such teases, making each other laugh, and keeping the pub in a light, cheery mood. I think I shall like it there after all, if only the pub in this Hell. But there was one man, a man that the others ignored, and none would tell me why. He sat at a table in the corner, watching people walk by and talking to none. Since I am the only waitress there, I had to take his order. He looked up at me with startling blue eyes, and just muttered for a beer. He is so odd! The whole day, he sat there, waiting for someone and drinking only two beers. Finally, a young Italian came in and sat across from him. Before I could even make my way over to ask him what he wanted, the two left together and they didn't come back. When I asked the others about him, their faces grew dark and withdrawn. The eldest, Pat, shook his head at me. "We don' like ta talk o 'bout him. He's a loner tha' one. He never talks ta us, an' we don't talk ta him Lass. Yer better off keepin' away from him if yeh can." He told me. All I could do was nod and smile, but my curiosity has now gotten the better of me. Why is this man the way he is? He looks only a few years older than I am, but he is treated like a leaper. I want to know more, but if I show to much interest in him, Uncle will chase him away, or keep me away from him. That much has been made very clear to me. However, if I get any chance to, I am going to talk to this man.

November 15

It's as empty in here as a mug with a hole in it. It's too early for the normal men to be here, and my Uncle is out for the day, visiting his friend. I have nothing to do! All I can do is sit here at the bar and write to occupy my time. Every time someone walks by, my hopes rise, only to be crushed as they walk by. Oh, I guess writing has helped, I hear the door's bell now.

A few minutes since I have written. 

It's the man! He is sitting there, right now, drinking his beer and staring out the window! My face is flushed, and my heart is skipping beats. Never before in my life have I been alone with a man other than the men in my village! But I have to calm down. This may be the only chance I will get to talk to him, and my curiosity is eating away at me like an animal trapped inside of me. Forget butterflies in my stomach, it's to knotted for that. But I am gathering my courage and am going to talk to him. Wish me luck...

Later.

Well, that was pointless. I went to his table under the excuse of asking if he needed anything else, and lingered a moment. Taking a deep breath and praying to God that this would work, I asked him his name. Those eyes locked on me, making me shift where I stood, nibbling on my lower lip. "Noah." Was the reply. It seemed like I would get somewhere, so I smiled at him. "I'm Annabelle." He just nodded, and returned to staring out the window. Biting my lip harder, I tried again. "So..how old are yeh?" He once again looked at me. "Why does it matter ta yeh?" He asked me. I was taken aback for a second, staring at him with my mouth trying to form words. How rude of him! Gathering myself, I took a deep breath. "'M only makin' conversation." I said, crossing my arms. He snorted into his beer, and shook his head. "Yeh shouldn't talk ta strangers." The sentence almost made me slug him. "Yeh wouldn't be a stranger if yeh just fuckin' talk ta me!" The words flew out of my mouth faster than I could control them. Me and my stupid temper. One day, it really will get me killed in this stupid city. Noah looked taken aback before he smirked at me. "Since 'M not talkin' ta yeh, tha' makes me a stranger." He replied, that damn smirk never leaving his face. Flushing, I spun on my heel and stormed back to sit at the bar, my back to him. Needing to keep moving, I made my way behind it and started cleaning glasses, acting as if he wasn't there. I forced my attention on the glasses, and almost missed the bell chiming, causing me to look up and watch him leave. He would be attractive, if his head wasn't so huge.

November 17

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday, it was so busy in the pub and I was there so late that all I wanted to do when I got to my Uncle's was just go right to bed. But I shall catch up now. Noah didn't come in yesterday, and for some odd reason, I felt as if that was my fault. None of the other men noticed, and I don't think they really cared, but it worried me. I wanted to ask someone, but I knew that I would only get in trouble. So I kept to myself and just went on with my job. But today, it's been quiet, just like it always is at this time. I'm sitting here, bored yet again writing. Why can't anyone just trickle in? I'd welcome just one person! Anyone to talk to, to keep me company. Uncle Angus is away again, and I get the feeling that it's not just a "friend" that he is seeing. I caught a whiff of perfume off of him yesterday when he returned! Oh how I would love to laugh, but I shall not. He has been alone his whole life, with only his family to keep him company, which is why he came here. And now, he has finally found that special person. For his sake, I am happy for him. Maybe one day I will find that person as well. I hear the bell and am thankful for it!

A few minutes since I have written

It's Noah! What shall I do? He wouldn't even look at me as he ordered his beer. I am now sitting here writing, trying to figure out if I should try once more to talk to him, or if I should just let him alone? Dear God…please…give me a sign.

Later

I talked to Noah! He called my name, and when I turned, he asked if he may have a second beer. Pouring him a glass, I brought it over to his table, and he caught my arm as I set it down. "Annabelle?" He asked me. I just nodded in reply, watching him. "Will yeh talk ta me?" I was shocked by the question. Looking around, I nodded. "Aye, I will." He smiled, and I didn't know what feeling suddenly bubbled up in me, but I smiled back. He is handsome when he smiles, and it is contagious. Sitting down across from him, I didn't know what to do, and I just watched him. "Yeh have pretty green eyes." He said, voice seeming unsure if that was what he should say. "Thank yeh." My voice was weak, and I mentally kicked myself. Noah laughed, and his blue eyes crinkled at the edges. "'M sorry about before. I jus' ain' used ta people talkin' ta me. So, I've been comin' here fer a while now, an' I was wondin', if I may, when did yeh come here?" He asked me. I swallowed, and felt a blush cross my face. Why does this stranger, Noah, have this effect on me suddenly? "Me Ma sent me from Ireland. I disobeyed her. So in retaliation, I was sent here." I told him. He looked shocked. "Yeh don' seem like tha type ta not listen." He teased me. I snorted. "Yeh don't know me well yet, Noah." This must have been funny to him, for he started laughing. Crossing my arms, I glared at him. "Wha' may I ask, is so funny to yeh?" "Nothing, nothing Dear. 'M sorry fer laughing." I froze. "Wha' did yeh call me?" He paused, then looked down at his glass, suddenly sheepish. "Sorry. I call all women Dear. It's jus' how I am." He explained to me. "Is tha' alright, Annabelle?" Hearing my name from him had me shivering. "I don' care. Either one is fine." I replied, finding a small gouge in the wooden table top suddenly fascinating. He nodded, and stood. "Thank yeh fer tha company, Annabelle." With that, he left, his money on the table. Dear God, what am I getting myself into?

November 18

I had today off, and I spent it in a way I never thought I would. I spent it in the city, shopping. It was mostly for necessity, since I was only allowed a meager bag of items on the boat here. My Uncle Angus paid me for my work, and let me go spend it as I pleased. Mostly, I bought clothes, but at a book store, I couldn't help but lose myself a little. I adore the written word, and I would have spent the whole day there had I been allowed. But I couldn't and I continued my shopping. I ate lunch at a little pizza shop, the slices so large that I had to fold it in half to eat it right. The woman who waited on me smiled as she gave me the slice, and talked to me while I ate. I think I can grow to like some of the people in the quiet areas of this city, at least, the shop owners. They were all so kind to me, helping me every chance they got. I think they all know that I am new here and have no idea what I am doing. It was a welcome change from the people on the streets, who barked at me to move every chance they got. But I hope I will adjust. Clothes weren't the only thing I got today! I can't stop smiling when I look over and see the snow white kitten asleep on my bed. It took a little bit of begging, but Uncle Angus let me have her! I won't tell him the truth, but I will here. Well, I told him a part of the truth. I really did find her alone on the pub's doorstep, but the rest I told him wasn't true. She wasn't just sitting there, she was in a box with a ribbon on her neck. I think I know who she came from, and I need to thank him. I have a cat back home, and I missed her so. But little Frost helps that ache. It's a good thing that here in the apartment building we don't have a manager. I bet if we did, then we wouldn't be allowed pets. Half the building would be upset by that! The couple above us on the fifth floor has a dog, and the elder couple below us has two cats. I am eager to show off Frost, but I don't know when to visit them. They are a sweet couple, the wife actually invited me in once to talk to her while her husband was away at the store. She was baking a sheet of cookies for him, and while they cooled, I helped her put the icing on them. She asked me about news from Ireland, and I told her all I could. I feel bad for them. They came to this place when they were younger for work and a new start, and had to leave their family behind, like my Uncle…and like me in a way. They had a dozen or so children, but all of them are grown with families of their own. I have yet to see them visit! So I plan on stopping in more often and talking to them. I hope it will make them happy, for I love their company. It's time for supper, so I have to go.

November 19

Noah came to see me today, when the pub was empty. For the first time since I have been here, and I suspect the first time he has as well, he sat at the bar to talk to me while I cleaned. I was so flustered, I accidently dropped one of Uncle's glasses, and it shattered on the floor. As I bent down to clean it, pale hands joined mine. He has a tattoo! A beautiful butterfly on the back of his hand. It's the first time I have seen a tattoo on someone other than the old men who always come in to talk and gossip like women. Looking up, I watched him for a second. He was intent on the shards of glass, trying not to cut himself as he helped me clean them. Feeling my gaze, he looked up. "Aye?" He asked. I could feel my face heat up a small bit. "Uh..don' cut yerself." I stammered, looking back down. He chuckled, "I won'. But yeh better not as well." Nodding, I finished picking up what I could, and threw it away in the trash can beside me under the bar. He stood while I was tying the bag closed, and when I made to get up, he offered me his hand. For a second, I stared at it. Swallowing hard, I finally took it. I've shaken hands with men in my village, as well as the boys my age, but all of those times were different. His hands are calloused, well worn from years of work, and he can't be more than a few years older than I am. They were strong as well as they wrapped around my smaller hand. Helping me to my feet, he smiled that crooked smile at me and I had to look down at my feet for fear of him seeing my blush. Dear God, what am I thinking? I am not allowed to even talk to Noah, and here I am, blushing in a moment that shouldn't have happened! "Thank yeh." I muttered, keeping my eyes locked on our hands. "Yer welcome Belle." That got my attention quickly! Jerking my head up, I tilted my head to the side to study him. "Wha' did yeh call me?" He looked sheepish suddenly. "Yeh told me the other day I could call yeh wha' I wanted. Do yeh no' like Belle?" He asked me. I gave him a soft smile. "No, I don' mind if yeh call me that." I don't know why I said that! Never before has anyone called me Belle. I never cared for that name, but to hear him say it, it just felt right to me. He smiled and stepped away from me. "I have ta go, I shall see you next time." He told me, turning and walking out. Before I could reply, he was gone. As the door closed, a small ached formed in my chest. And what that ache is, I have no idea.

November 23

I am officially freaking out. Noah hasn't been back since the day I broke the glass. Nothing has changed here, and nothing new to write. But I am worried. It's been days since he's been in to visit me. The other haven't noticed, and if they have, I doubt they care. It just worries me. I don't know why though, and it bothers me that I don't know why. In short, I am a ball of worry right now. I wonder if he does this often? Maybe he found work, and our short visits will be cut to nothing. God, I hope not! I was just getting to talk to him, and I want to know more about him. But, if he did get a job, I am happy for him. I just wish he would have taken the time to tell me. Although, he doesn't have to, he doesn't even know me that well! Oh I don't even know what I am saying anymore. I just hope to see him again. He has been my only "friend" in this city, and now he's gone. I don't even really know if I was a friend to him. But it matters not. I won't give up and I hope to see him soon.

November 25

I haven't been well since the last time I wrote, I've been in a daze. It seems I got ill when I went out with my Uncle that night. I was in bed, feverish and sleeping most of the day away. My Uncle started to worry about me, but finally last night my fever broke. I am still a little weak, but I am not going to let that stop me from going back to work tonight. I need to see if Noah has returned. Frost has been my constant companion, purring beside me while I was in bed, and now she is sleeping in a ball beside me in the chair. Uncle Angus teased me something horrible about kicking her out, but when she curls up on his lap, he is just a soft hearted man who pets her and feeds her scraps off of the table. It is adorable to see that mountain of a man cuddling a little kitten! I laugh so every time he does it, and he just pretends that I am laughing at something in one of my books. I wish I could tell Noah these things, but as I have yet to see him, I keep just storing them away in my mind to tell him when I do. But if I never see him again, I assume I will survive. Besides, I hardly knew him. It shouldn't be a big loss to me and besides, I am sure I will find other friends here…at least, I hope I do. I've been here almost two weeks and Noah has been the only person even close to my age. I feel so isolated, and so alone. At least he was someone who would listen to me. But I need to get over it and focus on work tonight. I hate to admit this, but maybe I am so worried because…I think I am falling for him…

November 26

Noah was back last night! I was so happy that I almost slipped and talked to him as he sat at his table while my Uncle and the others were there. Questions were burning my tongue like a hot liquid, but I remained quiet, trying to get his attention silently every chance I got. He only paid attention to me when I would go to his table, so I guess he is better at acting than I am. But I longed to sit down and ask him where he had been, what he had been doing and so on. Before he left, he locked eyes with me and shot me that crooked smile of his. It was so brief, I wondered if I had even really seen it. Something in me fluttered slightly, and I could feel my face flush just a tiny bit. But I quickly stomped those feelings down. Both Noah and I would be in worlds of trouble if anything starts between us. But I cannot help it! He is so attractive, and sweet to me when we are alone. I am positive that if we got to know each other better, and were allowed, something would happen. However that is never going to happen, I can't allow it, no matter how much I want it too.

November 28

I am officially going to lose my mind in this hell of a city! No one talks to me! And when they do, it is the men in the pub and all they do is treat me like a child. It makes me so mad I could spit! But I contain myself and I keep to my chores. I can only complain to this stupid useless book and Frost. Right now, I should be sweeping the pub out, but I'm so bored I am almost crying. I would rather do anything than the same things over and over. However, if I am to ever earn going back home to my beloved Ireland, then I have to behave. But something in me actually wants to stay here. I have no idea why, at least, that is what I am telling myself to make it easier. Forget it, I am going to just pretend I never said that. I hear the bell, so I have to go.

Later

It was Noah. I was shocked, because he normally never comes in this early! Even when he is a bit early to talk to me, it's only normally a half an hour before the others come in. This time, it was almost two hours! All the questions I had been keeping inside burst forth from me like a dam that was broken. "Where were yeh fer so long? Why didn' yeh tell me?" They didn't stop until they were a blur and hard to tell apart. His eyes went wide and he just sat at his table and stared at me. Crossing my arms, I glared at him. "Well?" I snapped. Suddenly, he started laughing! The nerve of him! I almost slapped him right then and there, but I didn't. "It doesn't matter Belle, an' yeh shouldn' le' it worry yeh." He said, laughter seeping through. I stood there, almost to shocked to speak. Here I am worrying about him, and he LAUGHS at me? "Why wouldn' I worry! Yeh jus' up an' disappeared on me! Yeh told me yeh'd see me again, and then nothing for days on end! I was worried sick over yeh and yeh LAUGH at me?" I was shouting before I knew it, tears in my eyes. I think Noah finally figured out that it actually had meant something to me. His eyes softened, and he pulled me closer to him, until I was standing right in front of him, my legs pressing to his knees, and his hands on my arms. I had to fight a blush. "'M sorry Belle, I was….workin'." He offered as an excuse. "Tha' ain' gonna hold up with me." I said, keeping my chin high. "Belle, 'M tellin' tha truth, an' I can' say any more than tha'." He replied. His voice was so soft, so sweet, and I knew he was telling me the truth. Swallowing, I nodded. "'M sorry I yelled." I mumbled the apology, slightly embarrassed. But for heaven's sake he had worried me! What was I do to? "It's ok. But Belle, can I ask yeh something'?" I paused, suddenly leery. "Aye…" He looked down at his lap for a moment, and I was worried he wasn't going to ask me anything at all. Finally, he looked up. "Don' ever hate me." He whispered. Lord above, that was NOT what I was expecting! What on earth did it mean? I still don't know, and I don't know if I ever will. "Why would I hate yeh?" I asked him. He just stared at me…and didn't reply! I didn't know what to do. "Noah?" He just locked eyes with me and gave me that crooked little smile of his. Dear God, what did he mean? I couldn't just let that go! "Noah, please, tell me wha' yeh mean…" I pleaded. He finally looked away, gaze lost even though it looked like he was just looking out the window. "'M sorry…" I whispered, turning to leave. His hand was suddenly on my arm, drawing me into his grasp and making me gasp. He smelled like gun oil, the cold, and something that I couldn't name, didn't know how to name it. He held me close to him, and I stood there, frozen for a moment. God, I have never been that close to a man in my life. Slowly, my arms acted on their own, wrapping around him. "I swear ta yeh Belle, I'd tell yeh if I could. Bu' I can't." He whispered into my ear. Closing my eyes, I rested my head on his chest and listened to the pounding of his heart. I could feel mine fluttering just as fast, and I knew my face was almost glowing. Breaking away, I looked up at the few inches that separated us. His blue eyes were so soft, so sad! Dear God, in that moment I felt safe, and I knew I could trust him. Why do I feel this? Never have I ever trusted a man, nor did I ever think I would. But here I am, falling in love with Noah. I don't even know his last name! But, when he was holding me in his arms, and watching me, my heat was telling me that I was where I belonged. And yet, my mind is screaming that this can cause so much trouble! What should I do? We stood there for a moment more, and he finally let me go. A very faint tinge appeared across his cheeks, and I looked down at my feet. "Maybe one o' these days Belle, I'll tell yeh…maybe." That was the last thing he said, and before I knew what was going on, he was out the door. God, why you have to done this to me? Is this the path I am to walk? Or are you tormenting me for disobeying my Ma? Please, tell me…

November 30

I have the day off, Uncle is working the pub. But I'm sitting here in this apartment, bored. I am writing when I could be outside if I were back home. But yet, even as I write that something in me tenses. I miss home, but I want to stay here for one simple reason. Gah! I need to think of something other than him! It won't work! My Uncle Angus would rather ship me off to anywhere but here than let me be with Noah. I can tell that he hates him. And if my Uncle hates him then he will do everything in his power to keep us apart. But he doesn't know my secret! I am saving up to move out of here! I will continue to work here until I have enough to pay for an apartment of my own. There are a few buildings in this neighborhood that will let me rent, I've already asked. I am old enough to live on my own, and I think it is time that I try, no matter how much that frightens me. But I won't be fully alone, I will bring Frost with me. Right now, she's terrorizing a small ball I found in the park on one of my walks. She bats it around, chases it, and tries to throw it! She is so cute and I am thankful Noah gave her to me. She listens to me complain when Uncle isn't here, odd as that may sound. Speaking of walk, I think I am going to take one. I can't stand being in this apartment any longer today. Hopefully, I will meet someone…or at least make a few friends. Yeah right. Even as I wrote that, I snorted with laughter.

December 1

It is getting so cold here! It was snowing today, the little flakes sticking to my window and coating it. I wonder if it will get deep enough to close the pub? That's a horrible thought, but the men tease me to no end. They are a sweet lot, when they aren't trying to get up my skirt! I can only slap hands away so many times before I am ready to throw the bottles across the room at them. But I contain myself. How, I have no idea. But I am actually torn. If the pub is closed, then Noah won't come. As much as I would like to get one day of not having to turn red and my blood boil in anger, I don't know how well I would be not seeing Noah. I have a few questions to ask him, to get to know him better. One is, what the hell is your last name? I don't know how I have been so stupid as to not ask, but I have been. There are a few more, but I don't know the next time I am going to see him or get the chance to talk to him. But I can wait! I just hope the cold doesn't chase him away. If it does, then I don't know what to do. And what is that obnoxious knocking? I will have to write later, right now, I have to deal with this.

Well, it wasn't the door. Maybe our neighbors are moving things in their room? But why would they be knocking on our door? But then again, it wasn't the door. I am worried that something is in the walls…I wouldn't doubt it with this old building. But, there it is again! Even Frost has stopped her playing to listen. I'm starting to wonder if I should go and get my Uncle? Or should I try to face this on my own? I can't always keep running to others for help. But it's driving me insane! I'm going to go look around. If I don't figure out what it is, I am going to just go down to the pub and deal with it later. Hopefully, I can handle this on my own…

I didn't find anything! I looked for TEN MINUTES…nothing. But now, the more I look, the louder and more often it knocks! Is someone toying with me? And now, Frost is attacking the window. I give up!

That night

I am slightly embarrassed. I stormed over to the window, intent on tossing Frost over near her toys and just as I picked her up, the tapping started. The whole time I was fussing over it, it turned out to be from the window! But to make matters worse, Noah was the one tapping at it! So as I searched the apartment, he was watching me and laughing! It took me a second to realize that he was at the window, sitting on the fire escape, tapping. When I did, I almost screamed, and I did jump back a bit. Seeing my reaction, he started laughing like he had just played the grandest joke on me! Storming over, I placed my hands on my hips and glared. The shock was wearing away and I was so mad at him for toying with me like that! "Let me in Belle!" He called. Embarrassed, I just glared at him more. "Why should I?" I asked him. "Please Belle? 'M cold…" He replied. Giving in, I opened the window. "Wha are yeh doin' here? If me Uncle finds yeh…" I don't think he cared to know what Uncle Angus would do to him, for he cut me off as he pulled me close to him for a hug. I didn't know he could be so bold! It's so odd, he can be so quiet, so reserved and withdrawn, then he can turn around and be the complete opposite! It's such a shock to me, yet it's fascinating. His arms are so strong, and firm and I felt safe once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I hugged him back. I could hear his heart, and feel his steady breathing, and dear God I blushed once again. Why is it that whenever I am around him my face lights up? I hate to blush, it makes me feel weak, yet when I'm around him, I can't help it. Breaking away slightly, he looked down our height differences at me. "'M not gonna be in fer a while Belle, almost a month. I might be back before Christmas, bu' can I ask yeh somethin'?" His voice was soft, and I nodded. "Aye, bu' why are yeh leavin'?" I asked. I can't help it, I'm a curious person! He flashed his crooked smile at me. "I can' tell yeh that. Bu' 'M gonna have yeh promise me something." My stomach fluttered, and I could feel my blood rush through my veins. "Aye?" Dear God above….he kissed me! It was soft, sweet, and his lips were warm on mine. I almost fainted, for never have I been kissed! Noah had just stolen my first kiss! I don't know how long we kissed, (every time I write that, I blush) but he broke away and shot me a sheepish look. "Will yeh wait fer me Belle?" He asked. At that moment, I think my heart did skip a few beats. "Aye." I whispered. I mean it too. I don't care if the world's most perfect man struts in front of me, I will wait for him. That smile was back, and he pulled me closer one last time. Closing my eyes, I hugged him back, sadness creeping in. He let me go and crept back out the window and now, I feel like the apartment is too large, to quiet. I'm going down to the pub…

December 3

I am going to go mad here! The snow is about three inches deep, the roads are icy, and everything is a bright, loud, slushy mess. I have no friends, and the only person who even showed me the least bit of attention is gone. Frost can only keep me company for so long before she wanders off or I just stop paying attention to her. I would go for a walk, but it's so cold out that my coat and gloves aren't enough. I would get new ones, but I'm saving for my own apartment. And so far, I almost have enough. I'm going to wait until January to get it, and I'm rather excited. I love my Uncle, but living with him can become rather tiresome. He guards me like a dog, and doesn't let me do anything alone that he thinks is dangerous. I know he means well, but I also think he wants me to be isolated…either way, I can't take much more of this. Soon, I will turn into a hermit and never care for humans. Ugh, I will be like my estranged Aunt Margareta. No one in the family talks to her, and if that ever happens to me, I don't know what I would do. I can't keep writing anymore. I just have nothing to say.

December 6

I can't seem to find the will to write. Nothing is happening to me! I sit in the pub, work in it, and then come back up here, clean what little messes there are, and then nothing! I don't even care much for the television, and the radio is only playing Christmas music. Normally, if I were home, this would be a grand celebration, but here, it's just a reason to spend money. The shops are light up, but no one has the real cheer like they do back home. God, please, just let me go home soon!

December 10

My Uncle got us a tree! It is so pretty! I get to decorate it myself, and Frost is a pain, chasing the ornaments and trying to tangle herself in the garland. I'm laughing so hard, I had to pause in decorating it. She is covered in the silver strands, and it looks like a ball of garland trying to wiggle around the floor. If Uncle Angus could see her now, he would laugh so hard! Speaking of him, he just told me yesterday great news, for him anyway. He is going to be spending the week of Christmas away from the apartment! He finally admitted to me that he was going to see a woman on the weekends. I'm happy for him, and I know this is a lot for him. So I smiled and told him to go. I know he felt a little bad about it, but I want him happy. At least then one of us can be. There is still no word from Noah, and I miss him so. After what happened the day he left, I can't stop thinking about him. I shouldn't be doing this! This is dancing with danger, and trouble. Never before have I EVER disobeyed a direct order until now. Now, if we are found out, my family will cast me out and never have me. But I shouldn't be thinking such depressing thoughts right now. I am going to be happy today and just try and focus on getting this tree finished. Now, Frost is trying her hardest to scale it! It's so adorable! I am laughing so hard, that she is staring at me, fur all fluffed out. She's in one of her wild moods, racing about the tiny apartment, attacking anything that moves. At least I have one friend here.

December 11

I'm in the quiet pub, finished with my chores until the patrons come in. While I am alone, I'll take the time to write, for I have nothing better to do. I finished our tree, and it is beautiful. I wish I could take a picture of it, but I have no camera, and can't afford one. I am almost to the point when I can call and ask about the apartment I have my eye on. Once I am on my own, I shall talk to whomever I please. I heard the bell and looked up, heart in my throat, thinking it was Noah. It's not, and I don't know who this man is. He has to be around Noah's age, and he is waiting for me! I must go.

Later

The stranger was a young Irish lad named Breck. I've never seen him before, and he sat at the bar. He was cute, I will give him that. Sandy colored hair, green eyes, and tannish skin. "Excuse me, but may I have a beer?" He asked. His accent was thick, and I smiled at him. "Aye, yeh may." I replied, turning and pouring him one. Turning back to him, I handed him the glass. "Did yeh just move here?" I asked him, sitting down on the chair I have behind the bar. He smiled at me. "Is it tha' obvious?" He asked, shooting me a sheepish grin. I smiled. "I didn't mean it in a bad way." "Good, fer a moment, I was worried. Wha' about yeh? Have yeh lived here long?" I shook my head. "No, I've been here almost a month." I don't know why I even started talking to him. I just started asking him questions. And I felt comfortable doing it. He nodded. "Aye, I don't care much fer this place. But I gotta live here, me family moved here fer work." He told me, looking into his glass. "I was sent here because me Ma thought it'd be good fer me." The moment I told him that, I froze. Why on EARTH did I tell him that? I never even told Noah that! But something about Breck lets me feel like I can talk to him. But as I think that, my heart is pounding. Why do I feel this way towards this utter stranger? But it matters not, as long as I have a friend that I can talk to while Noah is gone, I am going to take this shot at make it! We spoke for only an hour longer, about how we missed our homes, how we hate the States, and so on. He is so funny! He used every chance he could to make me laugh. I don't know why, but he did. He plans on seeing me again tomorrow. I can't wait! It feels so good to have someone to talk to.

December 15

Breck has come to visit me every day since we have met. He is so sweet, kind, funny, and makes my ache for Noah less. We talk about everything, and even Uncle likes him. He has taken me to the better parts of New York yesterday, and I have to admit, I am starting to rather enjoy his company. But as I write that, something in me tightens. I feel as if I'm betraying my promise to Noah. However, that is stupid. Breck is only a friend to me, showing me around and helping me learn about this city. He even agrees that I need my own place here, and offered to help me move! It's so amazing to have a friend. At least I now have someone other than Frost who will listen to me and he will actually reply to me. I know, I'm too easily pleased by something like this, but try living in isolation sometime, even shadows start looking good! He has promised to take me to dinner tomorrow and help me put my first month's rent on the apartment. Things are really starting to look up here.

December 18

FIVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! Oh how I long to be at home! In Ireland, it's such a huge affair, here, it's just a reason to spend money and it makes my stomach turn. I wish I was at home, I'd give anything at this point to spend this holiday with my Ma. Since I can't I will try to make this place as jolly as I can. Even now, Frost is attacking the tree that Uncle Angus got me. Uncle Angus laughed and teased me about her as Breck joined in and tried to get her to play with him. I wouldn't have been able to do anything like that, sit there in someone's home and feel comfortable, but everything comes so easily to him! I am a little jealous. He can talk to random strangers, make friends really quickly and doesn't let anything affect him. Unlike me, with my quick temper and even quicker tongue. But it doesn't matter, I shouldn't be jealous of him. He's a really good guy. Right now as I write, he's down in the pub with my Uncle and the others. They have totally accepted him. I however, had a long day and have chosen to stay up here and catch up on this journal. I never knew I would like writing in this, I guess I can't hate it too much. It may have bad memories, but it also had new, better ones written in it. Be back in a moment, there is a noise at the window.

Later

It was Noah! He came to my window! He's finally back! I am so excited and happy my hands are shaking as I write this. He was a little bruised, and a gash was on his face, but I've never been so happy to see someone. The moment he was in the room, I threw my arms around him. He smelled like the cold, like gun oil and smoke, and like blood. It was more than likely because of the gash, so I'm not too worried about it. The moment I was in his arms, the feeling of being home washed over me. He pulled me close and hugged me tightly. "It's good ta see yeh Belle." He whispered. I melted, clinging to him. "I missed yeh so much Noah." He kissed the top of my head, and we stood there for a moment, clinging to each other. Finally, I broke away slightly and smiled sheepishly at him. Even after being apart for almost a month, he makes me weak. Watching me, he shot me that crooked little grin. "I missed yeh too. Did yeh, keep yer promise?" He whispered. The memory of the kiss flashed before me and I almost glowed because the blush painting my face. "Aye…I did." I replied, burying my face into his chest. He held me close and stroked my hair. "'M sorry fer leavin' yeh. I had ta." He whispered. I drew away and narrowed my eyes at him. "Speakin' o' tha', where did yeh go?" I asked. He laughed, and that crooked smile made me grin. "I can' tell yeh yet Belle. I have ta go. Can I meet yeh tomorrow?" He asked. "Aye, where at?" I asked. He nibbled his lower lip. "The café on the corner. Noon an' then I'll take yeh out and talk ta yeh. I want ta know wha' I missed while I was gone." He swore. I smiled, drawing back a bit. "Yeh better not back out on me." I teased, looking up at him. He let me go slowly, brushing one hand down my cheek. "Never." With that, he was gone. My face is still warm as I place my hand where his was.

December 19

I don't know what to do! It's almost noon and here I am stuck at home! Stupid Breck! He showed up and just won't leave. I have a half an hour before I'm to meet Noah and he's here talking to Uncle about nothing! I have to think of something quick…but what? I don't care anymore, I have to leave. Wish me luck.

Later

I do believe that I am living in a nightmare. With only fifteen minutes left, I quickly told my Uncle that I was going to go for a walk around the city and sight see…so Breck insisted he come along! I tried to lose him on the street, darting into the crowd and running to the café. Luckily, I made it with a minute to spare. Panting, I smiled at Noah as he stepped forward. But his face darkened and he drew me towards him. I raised an eye brow and turned around to come face to face with Breck. The tension was instantly palpable as they glared at each other. I swallowed. "Breck, wha' are yeh doin here? I told yeh I'd be fine." I snapped, glaring at him. I could see the disappointment and anger on his face. "I didn' think it was safe fer a woman ta be wandering around tha city." He replied, crossing his arms. "Who is he Anna?" He asked me. I swallowed a snappy retort. Breck has been my friend, and there was no reason to be rude. "He's a very close friend o' mine. Don't worry about it." I replied, smiling at him. "Now go home Breck." He glared at me. Noah stepped forward and glared at him. "'M Noah, who the hell are yeh?" He asked. Breck glared harder. "Anna's friend, Breck." He retorted. Forcing myself in between them, I glared. "Enough, get along. Breck, Noah means more ta me than just a friend. Noah, Breck is a friend I made while I was waitin' fer yeh ta come home." I explained. Slowly they backed off, and stopped acting like territorial dogs. "Fine, can I still come?" Breck asked me. I looked to Noah. "No Breck, I want some alone time with Noah." I told him. He sighed, but turned and walked away. Spinning, I grinned at Noah. But he glared at me. "Wha'?" I asked. "Who was he really?" He asked. "Noah, really, he's nothing more than a friend ta me. We met a' tha pub." I swore. Pulling me to him suddenly, he kissed me. My eyes went wide before they closed. He was sweet, tasting like smoke and coffee, as well a faint hint of cinnamon roll. I wrapped my arms around him and let him kiss me, warmth flooding my body. He pulled away. "Good." With that we began our trip around the city, talking about what had happened while he was gone. He had went to South Boston for a job, and had went with his only friend Louie. He wouldn't tell me much about the job, nor why he had to take it. But I let it go and told him about the time I spent working and hanging out while I waited for him to come home. I told him how my Uncle and the others like Breck, and how he was teasing me saying he was going to get rid of Frost because she won't leave him alone at night. We talked and walked around the cold city for hours, and his hand never left mine. He told me about where he had went, but not what he had done. He also told me about his friend, Louie. It seems that Louie is Noah's only friend outside of me. How that is, I have no idea. Sadly, the day couldn't last. When it got dark, I headed home, kissing him goodbye and made him promise to come see me tomorrow. But when I got home, my nightmare returned. Uncle Angus was waiting for me the moment I walked in the door. His eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms. "Get in here, now." He barked. Swallowing, I made a mental note to kill Breck the next time I saw him. "I can' believe yeh. What has gotten inta yeh? I told yeh NOT to have anything ta deal with tha' killer. And here yeh are, sneaking around behind me back!" He raged. My own foolish temper flared. "Yeh don't know him! Nor do any o' yeh try to!" I spat. He slapped me…no one besides my Ma has ever done that. "Yer never allowed ta see him again Annabelle. If I catch yeh with him, yer gonna regret it." With that, he stormed out. I'm lost as to what to do! I have to leave, tomorrow…

* * *

*My soul, my love, some day this will be our dance, I swear that to you. It will be us with those bands on our fingers, and only our closest friends and family so no one can ruin our day. I will never allow that to happen, because when you are happy, I am happy, and I vow right here, right now, to always protect you. I love you.


End file.
